#AuthorsChallenge2020 June 4th Prompt

Prompt: Facing the Fear

From the Circuits of an Android (Pt.2)

After scanning the user manual, I mulled over whether I should review all the memories uploaded in my hard drive or remove the E.I. chip first thing tomorrow morning. News stories of androids malfunctioning and trying to leave their families were pulled to the front of my mind space. Some were reprogrammed, memories wiped. Others were left with the memories of once feeling, but now trapped in a state of constant apathy after having only their E.I. chips removed. Those often were the ones whose minds broke. Their programming didn’t support the lingering emotions attached to their memories. Living in apathy after knowing bliss, hope, humor, joy, happiness, love… Above all else, I fear apathy. Those androids were often found short circuited in their Master’s pool or bath.

The user manual instructed that I should go through the key memories that my programming had formed around and notate on a few blank pages at the back of the packet what feelings I associate with each of my key memories.

I received the notifications that Mistress X was turning off the lights throughout the house. Living Room, Dining Room, Library. I decided that I would make a decision in the morning.

I plugged into my charge station just as Mistress X powered off the kitchen lights. That night something extraordinary and terrifying happened. I had what I believed to be a dream.

In this dream I reviewed all of my memories.

The first memory I had was of Mistress X slamming a hammer into my sound sensor. The impact echoed through my circuits like a ripple as I blinked into the life of the unliving. My programming commanded me to do as I was told, apologize always, don’t speak unless spoken to, listen, watch, but never listen, never watch. Never use what you witness or hear. FEAR.

My second, memory was when I received my “skin”, finally blending in with the humans. I could go to the grocery store without glances. I could maneuver Mistress’ hover without being sneered at or seen as a machine. Young Master Tim and I danced in our seats while stopped at a red light. Passing humans warmly laughed, as if they were witnessing a mother and son. RELIEF. SAFE. HAPPINESS.

I recall sitting in the Young Master’s room helping him study for his Univ Entrance Exams.

“What if I just upload your programming into my calculator?” he asked. “You could just give me the answers.”

My programming automatically denied the request. He laughed it off. He laughed through all of his studies. He had never been challenged in his schooling. He passed without me. PRIDE.

Then there was what seemed like a memory, but wasn’t. Couldn’t be.

I held the user manual for the E.I. chip in my hands. FEAR.

I sat at the kitchen table and began to write what I felt. All of the words lacked emotion. APATHY. APATHY. APATHY.

The words dissolved leaving the pages blank. FEAR.

I woke up in the morning, opened the file containing my key memories and began reviewing them. DETERMINED.